Womanhood.

Womanhood. 

It's a weird word to say and it's a weird concept to think about. It comes at different ages for women and it can mean different things. To me, womanhood is embracing your gender, your ideals, your sexuality and really being comfortable with who you are and who you are becoming. 

In my Mexican culture, a girl becomes a women on her 15th birthday. After that it's ok to wear makeup and high heels and paint your nails. And you know what else is allowed? Boyfriends. It didn't occur to me that at fifteen we are allowed all the new changes in appearance so that the male gender could know that we are no longer little girls. I guess in the olden days women married young, so that was relevant. But why now? For tradition I assume. But I did not feel like a woman at 15. Maybe it's because I didnt have the blowout party, aka: quinceañera? Or maybe it's because thats such a young age. I felt so self conscious and vulnerable at that age that womanhood was far from my mind. Just like 15 is the age for Mexicans, in America it's 16. It's a different culture and a different age but still too young to be referred to as a "woman."

I've heard grown women say that they felt at one with womanhood once they experienced motherhood. Others, once they got married. It's never anything like, "I got my masters degree! I definitely feel like a woman now." 

But why does there have to be a milestone to embrace your womanhood? Why do some women need to be moms? Need to be married? Need to be this age or that age? Why is it that most women don't feel comfortable in there own skin until they are in there late 40's? Why can't a young women embrace her sexuality without being looked down upon? Why can't a woman have a right to speak her own beliefs? 

I am 21 years old and I embrace my womanhood now! Not when my culture decided. Not because I have a baby. Not because I'm married. But because I'm comfortable with who I am. I'm not saying I don't have insecurities. Insecurities are human nature. Hell! Im at a great university with a not so clear head on my future. But I'm not stressed because I know my decision will be what I want. Not something someone chose for me. Being a woman in any society has it's setbacks but once you learn to not ignore, but analyze the media and your culture and read into society, it gets easier. 

Easier only because you figure out the media is just playing a disturbing role in your womanhood. It is trying to tell you how to look, how to act, how to talk. But you dont need a new dress or a new pair of boobs or a new hairstyle to feel like a woman. Every single female in this planet is their own person and only they can decide when and how they feel like a woman. And that should never be put down by any source of media or any culture or any society. 

We just have to stand tall, stay educated and remember that everything in our lives is decided by us. We get to choose what makes us feel like women and we get to decide when that time comes. Its nobody else's choice, just ours. 

My Thoughts on Feminism

As of lately, there has been a lot of talk about feminism. Being a feminist is praised by some, put down by others. More than not, a feminist is labeled as a male hating woman that is complaining about "insignificant" things. It has been misconstrued so often, that women have begun to go completely against feminism and even making websites like this, http://www.ladiesagainstfeminism.com/ . Now, I am all for everyone having their own voice and thinking whatever they want to think! But it is completely disheartening to see girls of my age go against feminism just because they have a wrong definition of it.

In reality, all a feminist truly wants is EQUALITY. The true definition of feminism is as follows, "the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men." Women face tremendous inequalities everywhere from the workplace to their home life. I see these inequalities everywhere I turn. In the media, at school, in history books, and even in my own home. Coming from a Mexican background, my road to femininity was definitely a struggle. But i have learned to embrace it.

Equality in a Latino family is hard to come across. Most cultures are patriarchal and my family is definitely no different. Not speaking about my immediate family just yet though. I have cousins and uncles that are the "men of the house." They provide for their families and their wives are there to serve the food and tend to the children. While the women think they have an opinion, more than usually they do not. Its the machista way and I cant hold a grudge necessarily, because its years of tradition that continue to reinforce these actions. 

It wasn't until college that I began to realize that my parents raised us a bit different from the traditional Mexican way. While I'm not saying it was completely progressive, my mom and dad had an interesting relationship. They kept things equal. While of course they didnt make the same income and my mom still made breakfast and dinner every day, I knew that they handled things in an equal manner. My mom is a very strong, independent woman that has never let anyone put her down and my father never complained about those inspiring traits. In fact, for some time in my teen years my family went through changes and my mom was the only one working and my dad took over the household jobs like cooking and cleaning! (gasp!) They handled life challenges together and my father never has and never will put down my mom's opinion just because she is a woman. My mother may think I have crazy views on life sometimes, but its only because she has always taught me to speak my opinion and be equal. She may not think, or even know so, but my mom is a feminist. This is pretty much the same with my sister and her marriage and with a few of my female cousins as well. My dad is a great man and if I sat down and explained to him what a true feminist is, he would proudly label himself as one too. 

That is why when I began to inform myself with the feminist movement I knew I could label myself as part of it.  Im a junior in college and just barely starting off my adult life and already I know that life for me will be hard. Not just because of my culture, not just because career choices, and not even just because of my currently purple hair! But because I am a woman. I am lucky to have had parents that had some equality in the household but now I have to remember that the world is not all like this. Yes, there are women in power and women that are successful, but not nearly as many as men. 

Now, I cant really say what exactly I will do to help the cause, because this is way out of my hands. But I will always speak my mind and proudly let people know that I am a feminist. Not because Beyonce promotes it and not because its the "cool" thing to be, but because I am a woman that wants to be in charge of her own body and I want to have equal rights as EVERYONE,  male and female.  
My last note is that feminism isnt just a woman's movement, men are all welcome. Men are all sons, husbands, brothers and they can set aside their cultural beliefs and remember that we are all humans that deserve the same things in life. 

Feminism is the search for equality of the sexes. And I cant wait until the day when that equality is finally achieved.

Graduating Community College

As a senior, I was not accepted into universities of my choice. It bummed me out at the time, especially because taking all those AP classes ended up being a waste of my time. So I ended up in a community college, and not just any community college..I ended up at Santa Ana College. For those of you that arent aware, SAC is viewed as the worst possible place to go to after high school. Everyone I knew was going to a four year or OCC. When peers would ask me about my future school and I said SAC, the would usually reply with, "Why not OCC?" SAC is a community college with mostly Latino students and people think it is where the gang members and ghetto people end up. People make it seem like a major deal if someone goes to college there but I was prepared to go there no matter what the stigma was. I just wanted to succeed and if you have that mind set, then it should happen.

So I graduated and went to SAC. It was a smooth transition. Not too many people I knew ended up going there so it was actually great to have a fresh start. Counselors were incredibly helpful. I joined a program to get me to UCI when I completed my units and everything was going as planned. There was never really a bad moment at SAC. I always had great professors and they all made it clear that they are there to help us succeed. Success is the priority at SAC and they have everything available to make sure you reach your goals. I spent three great years there and saved thousands of dollars along the way. It can get pretty comfortable in an environment like that but I knew it was my time to move on.

So I applied to UCI, was accepted, and submitted my SAC graduation petition. My last semester there was so fun and it went by crazy fast. The final few days were strangely difficult. I didnt imagine being so worked up about leaving community college but it was harder than I expected. I made a few friends I would miss and saying goodbye to them was weird. I said goodbye to my favorite professors, the ones that really helped me make decisions in my studies, and that was really hard. For instance, I took Professor Bales for 5 classes and he was really a major part of my SAC career. So I said my goodbyes and thank yous, took my finals, and that was it.

It was a major difference from high school graduation, something my sister is in the process of experiencing. In high school there are a bunch of activities and celebrations and you really relish the final moments with your friends that you have made so many memories with. College is nothing like that, not for me at least. I took my last final and walked to my car like I always would and that was it. I was done with SAC. It was such an intimate and lonely moment because nobody else was there to share it with me. But that is just the reality of it though. In high school you graduate with your class, in college you graduate with yourself. Both meaningful and both exciting.

I walked the commencement ceremony and my family was there to support me. We had a mini celebration and then that was it. Now I just move on to the next part of my educational career and try my best at a new institution. UCI will be a whole new ballgame and it will be interesting to see reactions from people when I say I go to UCI instead of SAC because they will look at me in a better light.

I will never be ashamed to say I started my higher education at Santa Ana College. I grew up there and I learned so much both about the things I studied and about myself. Interested to see what UCI brings me.

Looking Back.

In retrospect, high school was such a bore. Why talk about it three years later then? Well my sister is graduating this year and its refreshing to see her have so much fun with her friends as her senior year ends. Lately, I've been reminiscing about my high school life and how people have changed so drastically. Some people changed for the better, others not so much. Let's be real though, I cant point out others without addressing my change.

In high school, as hard as it is to admit, I was a follower. I wanted to be cool. Not cool like the "cool people," but just cool enough to be accepted. I wasnt suffering through low self esteem or anything like that but I was always considering what other thought of me. I neglected to wear clothes, shoes, even makeup that would be a little different from my "style," in fear of causing too much attention for myself. I didnt wear a dress to school until senior year! I was always nice to people. I didnt, and still dont, like drama. I did find out though that my sarcasm sometimes gave people the wrong impression of me. Guess some people just didnt understand my humor... After graduation I was liberated. That sounds ridiculously cheesy but I was. It was a whole new part of my life. I had no expectations anymore because I was at a school full of people that didnt know me and I could start fresh. I didnt have to dress a certain way to impress my crushes and I didnt have to do anything to fit in with my friends. I became my own self. Of course I missed my friends, but being on my own was a good feeling. I started living my life for myself and started doing stuff I really loved. I dyed my hair red, bought clothes I loved and I was ready to be the person I wanted to be without being judged.

I also went through a time after high school when I didnt have any infatuation towards anyone. It was nice not liking someone. In high school, I had a few crushes and when I think about them now I feel so lame. I never had a boyfriend, but I guess its because I didnt try very hard to get one. But boy did I have crushes. I had two significant crushes and one of those really bothers me, even to this day. Life is so weird when it comes to this sort of stuff. I always knew the real answers in my brain but my feelings always kept me hopeful. It was cool though, going to college and not looking for love. I did have another crush in college that was never going to happen though. But I kept perspective on that situation. Once I stopped looking for love, it found me. And now all those past crushes seem hilarious in comparison to what I have now. Plus, some of the guys I used to like are total losers now and I'm glad I didnt end up with any of them.

As far as my friends go, most of us have drifted. Its nice to say that you keep all your high school friends, but in reality that doesnt happen. It would be cool if we could all get together every so often, but that stopped happening after a year. Now I only talk to a few of them. It's not a major deal, I have a lot going on in my life too. I just hope one day we will have a crazy cool reunion and everyone will just be friends again. Wishful thinking. Until then, I still have good friends I can talk to if I really need them.

High school wasnt tragic for me. I wasnt bullied or putdown or anything like that. But it was just mediocre. My friends really were super fun and I do miss them from time to time and they are what made my high school life bearable. Other than them, nothing was too memorable. Not even Prom or Grad Night. Its interesting though, seeing how people changed just by visiting their social networking profiles. Some people have gotten way trashy, others do stuff I would have never imagined they would do. But maybe those people were already like that and they just liberated after high school, sort of like I did. Everyone judges each other, but I try hard now not to. Everyone changes, especially after high school and high school definitely wasnt the "best years of my life" but sadly for some people it was. I started living my life once I graduated and I have never felt better about myself and my opinions. And people always say that its not good to look too much in your past, but I think its healthy to remember how things used to be, because then you can better yourself.

So yeah, high school was almost three years ago, but I like to look back and remember how I used to be and how I'll never be that way again.